Q. I've been hanging out with my brother's best friend over the last month or so, and we have been having a great time. In the beginning, he mentioned that he usually doesn't date a girl after the third date because he has to share personal information. So, we have been hanging out and during the second date, he extended the date and was coming up with some fun things to do and he was like, tell your brother that I took you shooting because I want to see his reaction. I thought that he was basically trying to find out his reaction to us hanging out without asking him. He seemed fine with us hanging out.
I saw him before my brother came into town (third date per se), but he totally did a 180 on the things he had been saying. I totally thought it was because my brother was coming into town and the third date thing, even though we have never really said we are dating. Well, my brother, his friend, his wife and her son and I all went to the zoo, and we had a good time. He gave me a hug and was like I'll see you soon. My brother said, "You and he are adults and you can do whatever you like. You don't need my approval.” He said this after we left his friend. Anyways, I have been doing most of the asking, so I've decided not to force it and sit back to see what he does. I'm trying to figure out what the next step should be. Any suggestions?
A. Dating Dossier is all about calling it like I see it, and this is how I see your beau/bro’s bro: he’s a tease, my dear. Now, I don’t know the exact nature of your “hanging out” over the last month (Kissing? Snuggling? Clinking wine glasses in front of a roaring fireplace while Hall and Oates softly plays in the background? Or are you literally going to a gun range?), but it sounds like this guy is shooting blanks in the romance department. The third date confession is a red flag to me. He’s basically telling you up front that he has an expiration date. Throw in the fact that he doesn’t like to “share personal information,” and that he takes you shooting, and I’m thinking this guy is either in the Witness Protection Program or thinks he’s Steven Seagal. Can you see plastic surgery scars, or does he wear a kimono and a short ponytail?
It also sounds like this guy is using your brother as an excuse. Maybe he’s genuinely worried about violating some unspoken man law, but from what you say it sounds as if your brother is a reasonable person. It’s a little odd that he wanted to see your brother’s reaction first. Maybe he found the risk of upsetting your brother a little exciting, which spurred him on. Maybe now that you have your brother’s blessing, it kills the thrill for him…or he’s starting to feel pressured.
But if you feel like you’re doing all the work here, I suggest taking a step back. Don’t make yourself too available. He may be feeling pressured about the situation given his relationship with your brother, so let him come to you. And since you guys aren’t clearly dating, feel free to go out with another guy if you like. Maybe casually mention it to your brother. You’d be amazed at how fast this guy calls you. And if he doesn’t, shrug it off and do your best not to shoot laser beams out of your eyes next time your bro brings him around. Then again, I doubt this guy would have taught you to shoot a gun if he wasn’t planning on calling!
Good luck, my dear!
Erin
I saw him before my brother came into town (third date per se), but he totally did a 180 on the things he had been saying. I totally thought it was because my brother was coming into town and the third date thing, even though we have never really said we are dating. Well, my brother, his friend, his wife and her son and I all went to the zoo, and we had a good time. He gave me a hug and was like I'll see you soon. My brother said, "You and he are adults and you can do whatever you like. You don't need my approval.” He said this after we left his friend. Anyways, I have been doing most of the asking, so I've decided not to force it and sit back to see what he does. I'm trying to figure out what the next step should be. Any suggestions?
A. Dating Dossier is all about calling it like I see it, and this is how I see your beau/bro’s bro: he’s a tease, my dear. Now, I don’t know the exact nature of your “hanging out” over the last month (Kissing? Snuggling? Clinking wine glasses in front of a roaring fireplace while Hall and Oates softly plays in the background? Or are you literally going to a gun range?), but it sounds like this guy is shooting blanks in the romance department. The third date confession is a red flag to me. He’s basically telling you up front that he has an expiration date. Throw in the fact that he doesn’t like to “share personal information,” and that he takes you shooting, and I’m thinking this guy is either in the Witness Protection Program or thinks he’s Steven Seagal. Can you see plastic surgery scars, or does he wear a kimono and a short ponytail?
It also sounds like this guy is using your brother as an excuse. Maybe he’s genuinely worried about violating some unspoken man law, but from what you say it sounds as if your brother is a reasonable person. It’s a little odd that he wanted to see your brother’s reaction first. Maybe he found the risk of upsetting your brother a little exciting, which spurred him on. Maybe now that you have your brother’s blessing, it kills the thrill for him…or he’s starting to feel pressured.
But if you feel like you’re doing all the work here, I suggest taking a step back. Don’t make yourself too available. He may be feeling pressured about the situation given his relationship with your brother, so let him come to you. And since you guys aren’t clearly dating, feel free to go out with another guy if you like. Maybe casually mention it to your brother. You’d be amazed at how fast this guy calls you. And if he doesn’t, shrug it off and do your best not to shoot laser beams out of your eyes next time your bro brings him around. Then again, I doubt this guy would have taught you to shoot a gun if he wasn’t planning on calling!
Good luck, my dear!
Erin
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